How to orgasm easily and frequently, whether for the first time with your partner or expanding your pleasure capacity into full body, multiple orgasms that last for hours.
Love your body
If you’re worried about your tummy rolls, how can you abandon yourself to ecstasy? If you don’t feel pleasure about your body then you’re holding yourself back from the pleasure your body can feel.
Negative body image is linked to a low sex drive, the avoidance of sex, and less sexual satisfaction and orgasms.
Take the focus off the appearance of your body parts, and marvel at the function that your body parts provide. Instead of thinking “I hate my vulva, it’s so ugly”, try “I’m amazed at the pleasure this organ brings me.”
Focus on sending love and gratitude to the parts of your body that you judge harshly. Imagine the judgments being released from your body.
Learn to calm your mind and that inner critic before sexual interactions
Don’t bring the business of the day into your sexual practice. What ‘switch off’ rituals can be part of your pre-sex time? Does a bath with candles help you relax? How can you invigorate all your senses? What scents, sounds and textures can help you get out of your mind? What music and lighting makes you feel more sensual and relaxed?
Write down a pleasure intention
What do you want to experience? Meditating on the unlimited potential of your body for sensual pleasure and love can help shift the focus from everyday stress back onto self love.
Regular solo cultivation
Masturbation and understanding your sexual anatomy is the most important step in learning how to have regular satisfying orgasms.
The strange cultural idea in heterosexual couples — that it’s the man’s job to pleasure the woman — sets up an impossible scenario where a woman’s orgasm is dependent on finding a man who can ‘give her’ one. No one can ‘give you’ an orgasm! You are the expert on your sexual body.
Master your PC muscles
Learning to isolate your pubococcygeus (PC) muscle, or “sex muscle”, can help with meditative practices and breath orgasms. It can also help you to strengthen or relax your PCs in order to have stronger orgasms.
Unleash your sexual imagination
Write down your sexual fantasies and don’t censor them. Try to share them if you’re partnered and integrate them into your sex life.
Awaken your sexual energy
Start embracing the idea that your sexuality is inherently part of your wellness and health. If you’re stressed, overworked and fatigued, you won’t have energy for sex. The more sexual energy we possess, the easier it is to orgasm and the more sex we want to have. How can you support and prioritise your erotic self? What makes you feel more erotic and what sensual supporting actions can you include more of in your life?
Many women feel they have to hurry to intercourse and be on their partner’s schedule. Don’t feel you have to hurry to have an orgasm. Ask for the time you need and the pace you’d like. Schedule a sex date in advance.
Reconnect with your partner
A lack of intimacy and conflict can cause sexual problems in relationships. Book a session with me to discover simple and fun exercises to rekindle intimacy in your relationship.
Cat O Dowd
Sex Therapist- Relationship Counsellor – Art Therapist