Latte Leftie – 231

The traditional owner of this column returns to answer those who’ve criticised his tell-all memoir about Inner West politics

Dear LL – Where are you? Righteous Rightie’s endless ranting is bringing back bad memories of those dark years when the Sydney Morning Herald inexplicably deigned to give Miranda Devine a platform.
Gus, Camperdown

LL replies: I’ve been otherwise engaged, serving as the Communications Director of an Inner West council that I will, for the sake of discretion, call Marricktown and writing a memoir about it. No doubt another Murdoch-owned local paper will soon seek to besmirch my good name, so let me address some controversial issues here.
It is true I told the Mayor that if they didn’t take a hard line on the BDS issue it “would only be a matter of time until the Jews replace every café on King St with a Max Brenner outlet, erect a giant statue of Benjamin Netanyahu in Camperdown Park and introduce compulsory circumcision for all male patients at RPA.” But I’m not anti-Semitic – The Diary of Anne Frank is one of my favourite books.
I did tell the Mayor to lay off the mochas and bust out some one-armed Moldovan deadlifts if he wanted to achieve the washboard abs necessary to rise in politics. Those who would criticise me for such counsel should examine the tragic fate of the KFC-loving Kim Beazley.
And, yes, I did plead with the Mayor to ditch their support for “public housing which encouraged povo bogans to move to the Inner West”. Is it my fault that the electorate doesn’t want to interact with Winfield-smoking, Ned-Kelly-tattoo-sporting, Clive Palmer-voting interlopers? I apologise to those whose private emails and texts I published but Assange or Snowdon would have inevitably done so anyway. Far better that Inner Westies learn the truth about local politics in Diary of Superb Spin Doctor, available now at all good bookstores.