Latte Leftie explains why he and Righteous Rightie have decided to bury the hatchet for the sake of the nation
Dear LL – I’m confused about the love-in that’s broken out between you and Righteous Rightie. I never thought I’d see the day when RR would concede, “He’s not the raving nutter he used to be.” And you would respond by declaring you’d “never say never” to running on a joint ticket with your fellow Ciao columnist to seize control of one of the Inner West’s merged mega councils. What has prompted the strange circumstance of you two becoming ideological bedfellows?
LL replies: Have you seen what’s been going on in Greece, the UK and Weimar America? This is all very simple. Circa 1980, the predecessors of Righteous and I met in a smoke-filled back room. They agreed that the Right would be allowed to make tax-paying optional for corporations, crush the union movement, fry the planet, dismantle the welfare state, launch endless wars in the Middle East, privatize everything and facilitate massive wealth inequality. In return, the Left would be free to slag off the lower orders as sexist, racist homophobes and engage in the kind of social engineering that today allows primary schoolchildren to decide what gender, sexuality and species they want to be on any given day. I think we can all agree we progressives got the better end of that grand settlement! Inexplicably, a growing mob of povo malcontents – irrationally aggrieved about being reduced to service-sector serfdom while being sneered at people such as you and I for their lack of interest in LBTIQWERTY issues – is now muttering darkly about revolution. I may be a Leftist but I’ll be damned if I’m going to stand by while uneducated troublemakers neglect their allegiance to their identity groups and unite on the basis of class solidarity. If that necessitates an alliance between two tribunes of the cultural and economic elite, then bring it on!