More in sorrow than in anger, Righteous Rightie calls for the immediate sacking of the intemperate and abusive Latte Leftie.
Dear RR – Hope you’re well, old boy – we must catch up for another long lunch at Bondi Icebergs soon. I’m writing to see if you could have that appalling Latte Leftie fellow dismissed immediately? After he had the unmitigated gall to pen some bleeding heart drivel about Palestinian kiddies who insist on playing in bomb zones (or, let’s get real here, are actively encouraged to do so by their parents) I sent him an eminently reasonable email pointing out he was a mouth-breathing, anti-Semitic, Holocaust-denying Nazi. You can imagine my surprise when I received a late-night response – presumably fuelled by one too many chardonnays – informing me I was a “foreskin-challenged, world-financial-system-and-Hollywood-dominating, well poisoning, Christ-killing, jumped-up scheming merchant” who should depart forthwith to Israel with all my co-religionists!
RR replies: Lovely to hear from you, Eli! Loyal readers will know I’m a fearless advocate for free speech but whenever I’ve argued that people have the right to be bigots I’ve always made it clear that it’s not a free for all. All right-thinking people understand that it’s one thing to insist all towelheads are terrorist rapists or that some loud-mouthed octoroon is shamelessly milking their tenuous claims to Indigenous Australian heritage – it’s quite another to make irresponsible accusations that Israel ever acts in anything other than an entirely just and even-handed manner. Like my fellow conservative public intellectuals – Andrew Bolt, Tim Blair, Alan Jones – I champion engaging in civilised discourse with those of opposing views. So you can imagine my distress at the disservice my loony left stablemate has done to the commentariat as a whole. But don’t worry, I’ll get that spunky Sharri Markson on the case immediately!