Latte Leftie – 215

In which Latte Leftie proposes a brilliant alternative to endlessly pandering to the reffo-hating, marginal-seat bogans.

Dear LL – While screaming, “Iranian-Sri Lankan fusion cuisine, yes; Lord of the Flies resettlement policies, no; westie-pleasing boatpeople policy has got to go!” and “Shame, Mr Rudd, shame; a true statesman never chases after populist acclaim!” outside the Balmain Town Hall the other day I was struck by a sense of despair.

Of course, all the passing Balmainites assured me they’d be voting Green come the election but when I saw those ALP politicians representing the cultural and moral wastelands of outer suburbia emerge from the caucus meeting sporting evil grins it struck me that it’s the inevitable fate of the noble progressive to be outmaneuvered by the representatives of the reactionary masses.

I fear that despite the humanitarian efforts of good people such as myself, Krudd will win the next election on a policy of sending refugees to a third-world hellhole to be accused of witchcraft, gang-raped, then eaten for dinner by ill-bred savages.
Guy, Stanmore

LL replies: I too have had dark thoughts along those lines, Guy, but you’ll be pleased to hear I’ve devised an elegant solution – an open borders policy!

As you point out, Australian politics has been debased by a million or two self-interested whiners located in Western Sydney but just imagine the electoral dominance the ALP could establish by importing 46 million grateful refugees! Of course, you’d have to weed out any anti-communist or religious types to avoid the possibility of the centre of political gravity moving even further to the right (if that’s even imaginable at this juncture) but opening the floodgates sort of worked for the British Labour party and it can probably work for the ALP.

No doubt we’ll have to endure more bleating about ‘overcrowding’ and ‘insufficient infrastructure’ from you-know-who but think of all the fantastic Persian restaurants and Afghan rug shops that would pop up on Darling Street!

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