Latte Leftie – 304

Righteous Rightie weeps bitter, salty tears for the party once led by right-wing heroes such as John Howard and Tony Abbott

Dear RR – I’m a battling bank executive on a modest 250K salary. Needless to say, it barely covers the mortgages on my Inner West home and three Outer West investment properties, not to mention the fees involved in sending my children to Newington. So, you can imagine how rectally impinged upon I felt watching the Treasurer’s Budget speech. Aside from a free university education, affordable property prices and abundant opportunities to get a well-paying full-time job, I wasn’t handed anything in life. Somehow, in a frenzy of elbow grease and bootstrap pulling, I made something of myself. Not so long ago, a go-getter like me could have relied on the Liberal Party to have my back by reducing my taxes, slashing the pay of those non-aspirational arseclowns in the service sector, wrenching the public teat out of the insatiable mouths of welfare scroungers and insisting on rigorous ‘efficiency dividends’ to the health and education budgets. What does the Liberal Party stand for now? Little Johnny wants a degree in transgender ecofeminist theology? No problem, let Muggins the hard-working taxpayer cover half the cost! Some bogan who spends her days smoking durries and stuffing her face with ‘Maccas’ wants to visit a bulk-billing doctor to whine about feeling unhealthy? No problem, show up to the medical clinic as often as you like!

Terry, Annandale               

RR replies: I can’t believe I’m typing these words but I miss Sloppy Joe. Our only hope now is that the Latham-led Liberal Democrats can form a governing majority after the next election.