Imagine you’re being interviewed for a job as a personal assistant in a big office. Now pretend your lover is the boss. They close the door. They walk very close to you as they walk back to their chair. You feel giddy. You suddenly want to do anything to please them; whatever it takes.

They need you to work back very long hours under their strict eye. You must relinquish control and do everything they say. His or her eyes trail down your body. You will have to do a lot more than just filing… You feel your heart rate increase and your face flush with excitement.

Sexy role play helps to liven up sex, heighten intimacy, increase confidence and drop our inhibitions. Role-play goes straight to the biggest sexual organ in our body: our brain. Our mind needs to be stimulated and silenced for great sex.

As a side note, this is why Viagra fails so many couples. Viagra only increases blood flow to the genitals, and sex is much more than engorged genitalia. A hubby demanding sex because he has an instant Viagra erection doesn’t solve any relationship problems. Viagra doesn’t stimulate our minds.

Getting in the mood for great sex starts with connection, seduction, anticipation, wanting, flirting, teasing, communication, atmosphere, fun, foreplay, imagination and intimacy.

Role-play fantasy scenarios invigorate our imagination and lead to very creative lovemaking where we can play out another aspect of ourselves. Clothes can stay on. It starts with just words…

Once clothes eventually come off you can be so aroused that your body image worries fade away. Roleplaying can lead to a greater build up of sexual tension and desire and help you break out of the formulaic ‘you do this, then I do this’ kind of sex. Boring and uninspired sex can stagnate a relationship.

Try this role-play with your partner. Who wants to play boss and who wants to play secretary? Notice who gravitates to each role and don’t be afraid to swap. What is it about this fantasy or one of your own that appeals to you? Does the idea of being in control and being the boss or being the dutiful, willing and eager junior turn you on?

You could set up a desk and dress in office clothes and re-enact it at home. Perhaps you could arrange to meet in a crowded cafe for the ‘interview’. You both have to stay in character the whole time. A public area means you can’t touch each other until you get home, thus increasing the sexual anticipation.

Don’t worry about whether your role-play is PC. It’s playtime for adults! As children we played pretend games and unfortunately we lose touch with that make believe world as we grow up. Don’t let that fertile land of imagination go!

Remember to stay consensual, be respectful and debrief afterwards. A couple that plays together stays together.


Cat O’Dowd
Creative Sexpression