Latte Leftie chokes out a heartfelt mea maxima culpa after inadvertently offending one of womynkind’s great heroines

Dear LL – I’m writing to express my burning sense of betrayal about you sharing what I had assumed to be off the record negotiations and conversations around our interview to discuss my trenchant memoir, Exemplary Feminist: How I went from Ascham Head Prefect to PwC’s Chief Gender and Sexuality Commissar and looked hot while doing it.  

Why you felt it necessary to divulge my request that the interview take place in a yurt wallpapered with Hillary 2020 posters is beyond me. Nor do I understand why you needed to mention the fact I reduced your intern to tears while upbraiding her for getting my coffee order wrong while talking about the sacred bond of sisterhood I feel with all women. And do I not have the right to have others address me by my preferred pronoun of ‘Your Majesty’? I can only assume that as cisgendered male you lack the intersectional insight to understand why someone who’s spent her life savagely oppressed by controlling, egotistical men might want to be treated with a little respect once she reached a certain age, even if she has taken out the Workplace Gender Equality Agency’s award for ‘Most conventionally telegenic feminist spokesperson’ for the last five years. (Not that I would ever play the patriarchal game by leveraging my exceptional physical attractiveness, of course.)        

Clementine, Rose Bay                

LL replies: Rest assured, I’ve been engaging in even more performative acts of self-loathing than is expected of a male progressive since the Twitter lynch mob had an explosive outragegasm over my loose-lipped disclosures. I’m sure we both feel it would be a terrible shame if this ongoing controversy had the entirely unintentional consequence of generating mutually beneficial publicity!