Bay Bitch: Retread

I was feeling deflated at my lack of progress in upping my Bay Run speed. I could not bring myself to shift into a jog for more than two seconds. While I was looking defeatedly down at the ground, a myriad of brightly coloured shoes appeared.

Most were framed in fluoro greens and pinks with hideous shiny mesh type fabric holding them together. At first sight I knew instinctively that I must procure a pair to be able to run the Bay. My K-Mart runners, were obviously holding me back.

The sales assistants at Birkenhead sports shops discussed the pros and cons of various cross trainers, runners and lifestyle shoes. Why hadn’t I realised earlier the magic of these shoes? I wondered if the lifestyle range could even enhance my off-track performance as well – hopefully more so than Tinder!

A neutral trainer could prevent me veering from one side of the path to the other (and maybe even reduce bitchiness), while the fresh foam cushioning promised ‘more of what my run needs’. I didn’t really know what it needed but perhaps it was less of that stale smell that permeated my socks and more of that glow of pillowy softness. I was particularly interested in the New Balance 800V3 – the same name as my first car – which promised to encourage a fluid forward roll. I imagined myself ending a run with this movement and finally being accepted by the sportsters.

However, I became unstuck when the assistant asked if I needed “superior stability”. I was still taking my lithium so I declined. This assistant, however, informed me she thought I seemed to be an underpronator and suggested I wear the Gel-Pulse 7. Offended, I told her to go stick her shoes. I have always considered myself an overpronator and I absolutely have never needed gel!

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