Dear LL –
What do you make of the new Labor leadership team?
Before I get onto that I would like to advise Ciao’s readers across the nation to keep an eye out for a couple of events to be held at the Sydney Opera House and Melbourne Town Hall during which I’ll be asking the ill-fated Albo the tough questions, such as, ‘Why are you so universally beloved?’, ‘How does it feel to be the greatest Deputy PM Australia ever had?’ and ‘What can the Australian people now do to make up for the shameful lack of gratitude they’ve shown you?”
That out of the way, let me turn to the Labor Party’s decision to anoint a man who combines the sociopathic ambition of a Kevin Rudd, the off-camera, taxi-driver-abusing arrogance of a Mark Latham, the media whoredom of a Natasha Stott-Despoja and the prissy, preening earnestness of the most tiresome head prefect.
Normally I’d fall into an even deeper state of existential anguish than is the standard state for any ALP true believer at the election of such an oily operator but I take some consolation at the thought he’s destined to be a John Robertsonesque footnote by the time Labor regains power federally circa 2040.
Needless to say, if Labor was genuinely committed to diversity it would have instituted a quota system to ensure the gay-marriage-advocating Eurasian sapphist Wong got the top job with the erstwhile alcoholic, Scottish rabble-rouser Doug Cameron as her deputy and Plibersek, the Inner-West-residing offspring of Slovenian peasants (and life partner of a former narcotics importer and ex-con), as treasurer. But they squibbed it and it’s a pity…
• Email your dilemma to email@example.com.