Righteous Rightie – 229

Satire for the soul

Righteous Rightie comes out swinging after an outrageous leftist slur suggesting inappropriate relations with a hamster

Dear RR – I trust you will be gracious enough to accept my moral and financial support should you decide to sue Sydney University over the recent Honi Soit article featuring a disgraceful photoshopped image of you bearing the caption “Righteous ‘Hamster Inserter’ Rightie”. I hope this thuggish attempt at censorship by the precocious forces of political correctness won’t stop your noble campaign to have the nation’s arts faculties shuttered and all academics with political views to the left of Gina Rinehart summarily dismissed.
Chris, Mosman   

RR replies: Thanks for your kind offer, Chris. Much as I despise both those who take handouts or help themselves to the taxpayers’ money, I’m sure all right-thinking people will understand it is now regrettably necessary for me to call for donations to finance my legal bid to have every dollar Sydney University has collected from the government (and those cash cow Oriental students) in recent years transferred into my bank account. Granted, I’ve availed myself of some exotic services involving the unconventional use of a silk handkerchief during my visits to Madam Wong’s House of Pleasure but to suggest I would dally with rodents is slander of the most despicable kind. I’m currently in discussions with The Australian’s media editor to have that august organ publish a grovelling apology, ghostwritten by me, from the recalcitrant Honi Soit editors, which will reaffirm my status as a ‘highly respected commentator’ whose columns have always been a showcase of ‘reasonable and rational’ discourse. In the meantime, rest assured I’ll be defending the cause of free speech, including my right to label anyone involved in tertiary education an unAustralian egghead elitist, by seeking to bankrupt those undergraduate arse clowns and the institution that facilitated their hurtful attack.

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