Latte Leftie – 216

Dear LL –

As a leftist I’m terrified that the ALP might fall over the line come September 7. The past six years have been a nightmare for progressives and the prospect of a further three years during which Rudd et al introduce mandatory capital punishment for asylum seekers, bring back national conscription for longhaired dole bludgers and traipse around Western Sydney muttering darkly about job-thieving foreigners is too much to bear. I like my Labor leaders firmly in Opposition, writing uplifting think pieces for The Monthly about how the pressing political issues of the day are best resolved by asking, “What would Dietrich Bonhoeffer have done in this situation?”

After the eternity of internal cringing and apologist arguments for the ALP advanced at countless dinner parties, I had been looking forward to a simpler moral universe; one in which Tony Abbott was entirely responsible for everything that was wrong with the nation, the Australian people were an undifferentiated mass of graspingly aspirational and moronically reactionary useless idiots, and federal ALP parliamentarians could comfortably conduct caucus meetings in the same Tarago van utilised by their counterparts in NSW and Queensland.

Daniel, Petersham   

LL replies:

Rest assured you won’t be the only person voting Green or Labor while desperately hoping for a return to the glory days of interminable Conservative rule come polling day, Daniel. I don’t know any right-thinking leftist who isn’t counting the hours until they’re squirming under the jackboot of an abortion-banning, WorkChoices-reviving, global-warming-loving, Murdoch-pandering, gay-marriage-opposing, NBN-ripping-up, public-servant-sacking Coalition government. Of course, it’s unthinkable that civilised people would actually vote Liberal to bring about this pleasing state of affairs but I trust that the readers of the Daily Terror and its stablemates will do as instructed by Rupert and install the Mad Monk in the Lodge.