Bay Bitch sweats it out

Spring has sprung around the Bay. Fish are jumping out of the water more frequently to let the sun warm their slimy bodies, magpies are swooping to harvest human hair to make their babies’ nests more comfortable and sportsters are wearing all sorts of paraphernalia to mark the start of the warmer seasons.

One sportster I spied had donned a straw hat covered in various types of feathers. I wonder how successful this method is in keeping the swooping birds away. Another sportster was wearing a plastic tracksuit and looking decidedly sweaty. I thought he mustn’t have realised the change of season but then remembered the fabulous invention of the sweat suit!

It’s particularly useful at this time of year when all of us are eager to shed kilos accrued over the winter months dining on wagyu burgers, hot chips and warm custard pushed into a flaky bougatsa (an amazing Greek dessert!) so as to fit into fluoro, midriff-revealing exercise tops.

The process is simple – the plastic swaddling causes you to heat up and sweat profusely. The sweat can’t evaporate and thus you won’t be able to cool down, so you will sweat more losing lots of fluid and ultimately weight.

Despite the fact this deliberate overheating and dehydration can lead to a heat stoke, a full-blown stroke or a heart attack, there’s no denying it’s a brilliant way to lose those unwanted love handles in a blink of an eye. Don’t worry if it doesn’t look as good as the shiny lycra outfit you are used to, the weight loss will compensate you over and over again!

Another tip, if you are finding it difficult to find a sweat suit improvise with a large green garbage bag. It will also act as camouflage to disguise you from the swooping maggies!

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